Balancing Motherhood and Education: Leaving Family to Study Abroad

Balancing Motherhood and Education: Leaving Family to Study Abroad 

By Metrida Ananda Vidiarsi

Ela (right) and her friend, Alfi (left) at Groningen, Netherland

“Either being a career woman or a housewife, a woman must be high-educated because she will be a mother. Intelligent mothers will create intelligent children.” – Dian Sastrowardoyo

The arrival terminal was crowded. A little boy saw his mother just walked out the exit gate of the terminal and shouted, “Mama!” and ran into his mother’s arm. His mother smiled and hugged him tightly, for the first time again after one and half year not meeting him.

Pamela or usually called as Ela, a civil servant just got back home from Groningen, Netherland after finishing her study for master degree in psychology. She got a scholarship from Bappenas after four years of working at Badan Kepegawaian Negara.

“I was applying for the scholarship about a year before my departure. I passed the test and prepared for one year. I applied to University of Groningen, one of the best universities in Netherland and got accepted for one year master degree program.” She said.

The hardest part of studying abroad is not the struggle of surviving there, but the struggle of fighting homesick. Ela was a mother of one and half year old son when she started to study abroad. She had to leave her son to his grandparents. She could not bring her son with her because her scholarship fee was not enough to pay daycare fee.

“The day I departed from Jakarta, I had to hold my tears when I hugged my husband and my son. I was going to miss them so much. I kept holding my tears when I walked into the boarding room and heard my son shouted ‘Mama! Mama!’ and he tried to run into me but he couldn’t.”

The first month living abroad was the hardest time for her. She called his son via Skype daily and only saw him on her laptop screen. At the same time she had to adapt with her new environment and kept up with the subjects.

Her study in Groningen was not easy. She failed thrice in statistics and another subject and she was not being able to graduate on time. She had to extend her study for another semester.

“I failed in one subject that made me could not finish my study on time. I had to miss my family for other months. I called my mother and told her that I wanted to drop my study and packed my luggage and go home. I got frustrated but my mom told me that I have to keep going. I can’t just stop there and not finishing my study. She told me that it is better to have the university dropped me out than dropped out by myself because it means that I’ve done my best. ‘He [her son] will be fine here with me’ my mom told me,” She said.

After that, she got transferred to another subject in order to make her finished her thesis easier and graduate on time. She could not stay for another semester due to her visa and her financial support from the scholarship.

Finally, after one and half year of study Ela was being able to graduate from University of Groningen and got her master degree. She did not attend the graduation ceremony due to her job.

“I had to miss the graduation ceremony because I had to go back to the office two weeks after I got announced that I passed. I did not mind at all. I already miss my family, especially my son.”

Some people say that women should not have high education because their obligation is to do domestic work. Ela has her own opinion to this statement.

“I’m now preparing myself to apply for doctoral and postdoctoral degree in Groningen again. This time I’ll take my family there because it will need six years to finish my study until postdoctoral degree. Being a wife and a mother is not an obstacle to get higher education. A woman must be intelligent. A woman must be well-educated because a mother is her children’s first educational institution.”