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Dear Mrs. Alice
By Amalia F. Annisa
June 18th 20xx
Dear Mrs. Alice,
Hello ma’am, how are you? How were
things going on in there? Are you still teaching there? I can imagine you
teaching in front of many students, laughing because they feel you were not
strict as you used to be anymore. I really hope all went well there, and my
sister wasn’t a burden for you and your family. Thank you for taking care of
her for me. I will repay all of this someday, no, surely after I graduate from
here.
I hope you won’t get bored getting this
unimportant letter from me. I just feel like I have to do it. Oh, and in here
all’s fine, until this time, I hope. Living in here is so difficult, but I know
the end will worth it. I just hope things won’t go wrong, let’s hope so.
Before I went to America I promised I
would tell you why I did something so shameful and ended up in jail. It is
crystal clear in my memory. To be honest I really didn’t know why I decided to
do something stupid like that, but at that time I really need more money to pay
all me and my sister’s school fee. All
of my side jobs’ payment couldn’t pay them off. It could only cover up some of
my sister’s. I didn’t have heart to ask you more than what I received from you,
you already gave me so much and I didn’t want to burden you anymore. That’s why
I decided to do that. I really hoped, it
would go smoothly and for you to know nothing about this, but what I could
really recall was I ended up in jail. The police tried to call my family and
ended up called you. You wouldn’t believe how ashamed I was at that time, I
just could cry. You came, and I was pretty sure you would end up scolded me,
but you just sent me to wait in your car and made all the officers there and I
shocked.
I remembered how anxious I was while
waiting for you in the car. I didn’t know what kind of magic you did to those
officers that made them letting me out of the jail, but I didn’t dare to ask of
you how. For me, it was so generous of you to do that, even after you knew I
was clearly doing something wrong. The truth is that, that time I was so glad
you didn’t ask or say something to me. You just stay silent until the very end
and suddenly cry while hugging me. You just cried and whispered you were glad I
was okay. It was really hurt to see you cried like that. That was the time I
made up my mind to never hurt you again, make you proud of me, and make you
forget all my repeated mistakes to you.
Now I have told you the truth. I hope
you will accept it. I didn’t ask you to believe my explanation, but at least I
hope you’ll understand me. Forgive me if
my letter is too long, but I feel I could be more open to just you, ma’am. I
miss our time together. I really do. I really looking forward the day I could
go back to Hong Kong. I hope to see you again, ma’am.
Your student,
Edwin
.
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.
March 12nd 20xx
Dear Mrs. Alice,
Hello Ma’am. I'm sorry you must be
bored to get a letter from me again, but I couldn’t help it, I just can’t think
of anyone else. I really hate to say it but it seems things are getting tougher
here, but it is not important. I really miss you, ma’am. I really do. There are
no one here could understand me, not like you did. So, how are you now? How
were things going on in there? I hope my sister won’t burden you with her
personality because as I know she could be troublesome in her own way. Oh I
hope your family and you are doing well, there.
Ma’am, there are so many reasons I
could uttered why I want to send you another letter. I understand it was so
hard for you to answer my letter, knowing that you were so busy at that moment,
for I remember it was when the school’s entrance day. Another, yet important,
reason is that I have a feeling, a strong one, that I should tell you my
secrets. Somehow I feel I really have to tell you now, or else it’s too late
for me. So, here it is.
Remember when I suddenly ask you if
there were any scholarships I could take?
After I was arrested by the police and you helped me out from there, for
a week I was avoiding you and absent from the school. I just want you to know
that I didn’t mean to run from my problems and severe my connection from you. I
know I didn’t give any explanation why I want to study abroad, but I have my
own reason. And one of them is to repay your kindness, ma’am. It sounds so
dramatic when I tried to explain it to you, but it really is the truth. That’s
why I suddenly ask you to teach me more, ask you about scholarship I could
take, and ask you to take care of my sister. I know it sounded so selfish of
me, but I felt that was the only way I could repay all of your kindness. I
really didn’t want to waste any second of moment I have, after I found the
reason I wanted to live. At first, I just want to merely live my life, and my
sister’s. Now, I want to make you proud of me. I want to see you smile because
of me, not cry.
I think that’s all I can tell you now.
I don’t know what happen to me next, but judging from what happened here, I
think it is unpredictable. I wish you could be here, ma’am. I love the way you
soothing me with your warm voice and warm hug, I miss it so much. So much that
I think I'm seeing you here with me and smile to me. I will wait patiently for
your reply. I hope to see you soon, ma’am.
Your student,
Edwin
.
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.
July 21st 20xx
Dear
Mrs. Alice,
How are you, ma’am? Are you okay there?
Is everything alright? I haven’t got any reply from you, ma’am. I realized I
was being selfish, I just whining about all my problems without asking you
further of your condition there. Now I really am worried. I wish I could go
back to Hong Kong and check you right away but I can’t, ma’am. The situation
won’t let me go anywhere in the time being. I really hate it when I wish to do
something, world seems not let me to do it. I just could pray that everything
would be okay, in there and in here as well.
I want to tell you what happened here
but I can’t. My mind is in chaos right now. I had encountered another problem
and it is a tough one. Oh, how I wish you were here. Just your existence could
make me feel way calmer and relax. It
really stressed me out and I couldn’t help but want to write another letter for
you. It seemed like the part of me that being a little whiner is still retained
in me. I just want to be there in your embrace and complain about my problem. I
miss the good old time, ma’am. How I wish I could go back to the past where
there were only two of us, sharing warm feeling that we hide when others were
around.
I'm sorry I'm blabbing around again.
Each time I wrote a letter to you I ended up whining how I miss you and
complained about my problem. I couldn’t help it, ma’am. I maybe was not
thinking further at all when I decided to go to America to pursue my dream. I
thought I could face anything by myself like what I did in before, but I was
wrong. It was you who always courage me to put up a good fight. You always
there when I was struggling each time I faced my problems. You always have your
own way to make me cheered up. It was all you, ma’am. And here, I was alone. It’s all by me myself.
I don’t know if I can put up with this any longer. I just need your reply; one
is not much I believe, just to make myself believe that I'm not here alone by
myself. I know I was being selfish again, but only you can help me, ma’am. No
one else can. Please help me, ma’am. I don’t know how long I can keep up with
this, but I would try. I would try, ma’am
Your student,
Edwin
.
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.
August 30th 20xx
Dear
Mrs. Alice,
Ma’am, how are you? How were things
going on in there? Are you still teaching?
I really hope all went well there, and my sister wasn’t a burden for you
and your family. Thank you for taking care of her for me. I really wish I could
repay anything you’ve done for me and my sister. But I guess wish could only be
a wish.
Before I start with my letter, I want
to say that I am grateful for all of your kindness that you have showed to me
and my sister until now. From the start, you already showed that kind of
affection, like a mother to her son, an affection I really yearned for. You
also welcomed my sister and consider her as your own daughter. It was so
generous of you think that we are your own child. Also, for all your time spent
just to support me to have a better life, you could have spent it to your own
children. But instead, you spent it on us, moreover to me. Sometimes I felt you
put a great expectation on me, but I know you just want the best for me. And
for that, I really am thankful to you.
Ma’am, I know you must be grown tired
of me. And to be honest, I myself feel the same. I grow tired of myself. I’m
just tired, too tired for all of these. I'm so disappointed of myself; I
couldn’t fulfil my promise to you to be success, to go back with a big smile in
my face, and to repay your kindness. I couldn’t be what you want me to be. From
the very start all I could do is only causing problems and disappointing
people. Even when I was far away from you like this, I could still whine to
you. Maybe that’s why you didn’t reply my letters. I know I'm a big failure, I
don’t even feel say sorry right now. Even if I say that, I know it would be
useless. That how I am, right? I'm useless in every aspect.
I don’t know ma’am, I don’t think I
would continue to wait for your reply anymore. I'm already at my limit. Even
for doing something like waiting, I couldn’t do it properly. At least I know
how to feel grateful and say it to the person who made me feel so. Thank you
for anything you have given to me. For everything you did. Thank you for taking
care of me and my sister. I hope someone would give you what you deserve for
you always show kindness to me and other students. You deserve more, ma’am. I
know you do.
Even in the time like this, I still
hope to able to meet you. I miss you, ma’am. I miss everything of you: your
warm embrace, your soft words as you hug me tightly and pet my hair lightly,
your voice when you were scolding me, your smile, your angry face, everything.
I wish I could hug you once again. I wouldn’t ask for more. But I guess wish
could only be a wish.
Last, I just want you to keep taking
care of my sister. She is a good girl, and surely better than her useless
brother. Please take care of her for me. Don’t worry, that would the last thing
I would ever ask to you. I won’t bother you anymore. I just want you to know
that I love you, more than you think I do. I love you more than anything. I'm
so happy that I could ever meet you. You bring happiness to my life. I hope
you’ll get happiness too. And for that, I won’t make you suffer, not anymore.
Bye Mrs. Alice. Thank you for everything.
.
.
END
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